Relationships Part 2: Why Are You Trying to Change Me?

So theres this need inside people for some ODD reason to always try and "fix" people or "change people for the better" Like if you meet someone who is lets say broken from a previous relationship we like to be the ones to try and fix them up, make everything better. The catch is when we dont get the results that we want, we get mad. When you enter into a relationship you must realize that a person is who they are, you shouldnt look at them like a broke toy and say Im going to fix this up, and get mad when the polish doesnt shine like you feel it should. Like women, if you know a guy is a cheat, but you feel "you can change him" and then find your self hurt because he didnt change? Why are you mad, you knew how he was when you got with him. Or Men, she has three different baby daddys and yet shes different with you? WRONG, then you find yourself on the receiving end of paternity test because your dark skinned and that baby is light with green eyes.
I have a friend, she talks this guy, and hes popular, well liked with the ladies, and hes a flirt, ect. And she cant stand it. Something about seeing other chicks on her man that she cant deal with, DESPITE the fact that its just flirtations, smile a dance, ect. But yet she sits there mugging everyone, attitude just pouring from her body. Do you think thats cute? Im like dude, you came with this dude, youre going to leave with this dude, what the hell are you tripping off of? Ladies, realize you make yourself look bad. And its embaressing to yourself. Like what are you jealous of...? Do you think one of those females can take youre place that easily from simple flirtation. I  mean if youre doing your job, then you shouldnt have anything to worry about, but then you start a stupid fight with him, simply because he was what...being himself. Which you knew was the case when you started talking to him, but what, you thought you could change him? Make him and mold him into what you want him to be?



A main reason me and my ex didnt work out is because he couldnt except me for the person that I was. He was continually telling me everything that I was doing wrong, it seemed like nothing I could do was right. I clubbed to much, I focused more on my modeling than him, I didnt come see him enough, I didnt call him enough, why wasnt I answering my phone, why did I have to wk so late, why is it when we go somewhere guys always have to stare, ect. I mean damn, he knew I was outgoing and nice, and had dreams when we first started talked then all of sudden were together and everything I do, who I am is wrong? NO SIREE BOB!
 Realize that the age old saying is true "You cant change someone unless they want to change themselves"
You have to realize that for any type of a relationship to work there has to be an understanding. You have to know someone for who they are, and except them for it, flaws and all. If you see the girl is always starting drama, HINT HINT, she is drama. You think youre going to make things different fellas? Nope. If she cant act right in public when you met her, then hey, what makes you think shes going to act right now?
Many times when a realtionship starts to turn south people start thinking If only you could change your them you think, your relationship would improve and the problems would vanish. WRONG.

My friends you need to start doing these basic things

1. See your partner for who they are,  not through a filter of your creation. If you've always thought that they were just this charming, attractive or seductive person and they fails to meet that standard, you must let go of your illusions. Youre with a imperfect person, not superwoman/man. Everyone has flaws.

2. Take ownership of YOUR feelings. Rather than constantly criticizing them for a fault, consider whether your criticism may be an attempt to hide a problem of your own.

3.Who the hell likes being nagged or hearing constantly that they need to change? Being too vocal and adament about changing someone will most likely cause that person to rebel, or even leave the realtionship. Realize that if someone is behaving or living their lives in a way that annoys you, it's not going to work out — whether you try to change them or not.

4. If you're trying to change someone, you are indirectly telling them that you don't love/like them the way they are. You are in love/like with the person you are trying to turn them into

5. Most important of all. They'll Change for You When They're Ready. If a person truly cares about you, and they see that something they are doing is bothering you, hurting you, or damaging the relationship, they will do something about it. You dont have to make it your mission to change that person.
There are very few people in someones life that a person will allow to change them: close friends and family. They've earned the right to ask them to change or to tell them that they are doing something the wrong way. After youve dated someone for a long time, you'll eventually have that right too.

You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in a good relationship. If your happiness depends in part on changing your partner, know that change is possible, but only if you are in a deeply committed relationship or marriage, AND if that person is willing to change. Dont venture into the relationship with the intent to change someone, know that changing your partner will cost you dearly, and if you want the change, be prepared to pay the cost.